Wherein I do Battle with a Great Spider

I was enjoying a warm shower, when I noticed movement in the corner of my eye. For fear that it could be an enemy, I slowly turned to face the dark form. My worst fear was confirmed: A large, hairy spider had invaded my shower. A cowardly part of me wished to leave immediately, and resume at a later time. But ‘twas too late, I was already soapy. I said to myself, “Thou must do battle with the fiend. Thou daren’t flee, lest thy family thinketh thee a coward. Defend thy honour and fight!”
I turned to the brute and said in my most confident and courageous voice, “Begone foul creature! This is a place of cleanliness and thou hast no power here!”
As I watched, the wretch began to try to navigate the formidable shower wall. It was beleaguered by the soggy traps that I had inadvertently set, and could not navigate a wall covered in water droplets. I relished in my small victory, only to realize that I could exacerbate the situation at any time, as the traps were mayhap too effective. Forsooth, they nearly jettisoned the demon from the wall, and onto the floor or my loofa.
“Now,” said I to myself, “thou shalt not hit the monster with the cast-off from thy hair – it may falleth into the shower, or onto thy skin, and this cannot happen. Tread carefully.”
The remainder of my shower was spent in tension, while I tried to ensure that the arachnid remained in its runny prison, until I could summon the courage and the armaments with which to do proper battle. In a fresh state of purity and cleanliness befitting of a knight, I grabbed my trusty sword, lovingly named Wad o’ Toilet Paper. With apprehension, I approached the beast’s lair.
To mine own self I said “Thou daren’t allow its spidery innards to grace the walls of thy shower, for thy mother does wish to use it after you. And it would surely be gross.”
Suddenly the fiend began to struggle once again to cross the wall, despite the formidable water thereupon, and my heart was stilled by a momentary burst of pity. It then began to show its true self, and move its legs in a disturbing manner employed only by spider kind. The sight steeled my nerve, and I knew that I was prepared to fight. With one quick movement I slew the beast.  I carried its corpse to the toilet, and sent it to a watery grave.
My name shall be remembered throughout the land forevermore, as the noble one who defeated the great Spider of the Shower. My name and my family’s line shall prosper in glory for all days.
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2 Comments

  1. A+insert gold star sticker here

    Reply
  2. That's hysterical!!

    Reply

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